


Karen Carpenter and the Love of My Life

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Children, Drama, Family, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-28
Updated: 2006-10-28
Packaged: 2019-05-31 08:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: Josh thought she might sleep with that smile.  He bit his tongue as he was desperate to ask if she grew up in Stpeford.





	Karen Carpenter and the Love of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

They did not often take baths together. Tonight Josh wondered why that was so. The tub in his condo was a good size; he and Hogan fit perfectly. She was pretty limber too…able to move around as much as it suited. Yes, bath time after a long week at the White House was a very good idea. It was a warm August night and she sat on his bed in a Mike Piazza jersey and panties. Josh checked himself over in the mirror as she painted her toenails.

“What has got you so fascinated over there Lyman?”

“I'm kinda losing my hair.” He said.

“Not kinda. You are, well, its receding.”

“Hogan!”

“What? I don’t care about that. It happens to people. Uncle Leo has been losing his since the day we met. What about Toby? He’s a very attractive man and he is almost completely bald. Grow a beard, it will distract people.”

“A beard makes me look seedy. I tried that in law school to look scholarly, you know. You think Toby is very attractive?”

“Sure. Girls love the wounded, morose thing.”

“OK, so Toby is wounded and morose and Leo is powerful and enigmatic. What am I?”

“Boyishly handsome and very funny. Those dimples slay me.”

Josh could not help but smile when she said that, bringing them out.

“You think I should get hair plugs or something?” he asked.

“If you do that I will never speak to you again. Guys who do that dump their families, move to Miami Beach, get hot, young girlfriends, and fake bakes.”

“I have a hot, young girlfriend.”

“See, you're fine.”

Josh checked the mirror once more, running his fingers through his hair. OK, so it was receding…things could be worse. He was working out again so his physique was pretty good. The White House Chief of Staff went to the gym twice a week and jogged on the weekends. He felt like a million bucks. Having his girlfriend back from Oxford helped.

“What are you thinking about?” Hogan asked.

“Nothing.”

Josh sat down on the bed, grabbing the magazine on the nightstand. It was Cosmo but he leafed through it as if it were Newsweek.

“The quiz is on page 122.” Hogan said.

“Cool.” Josh flipped pages. “Oh nice, what kind of woman are you? This should be fun.”

“I was Marianne Dashwood and Lily was Katherine from CSI.”

“Hmm, wonder who I’ll be.”

Josh grabbed the pen and started to read. Hogan just smiled to herself. She loved him. She loved that he did Cosmo quizzes, danced to Tina Turner, and that Caged Heat turned him on. It was not always perfect but suited Hogan fine…she preferred reality to fantasy. The reality was that she and Josh faced a lot of obstacles and stuck it out. They were nearing the end of the first Santos Administration and they were still together.

“Josh?”

“Hmm?”

“On Sunday my father is having a lunch for his birthday. I want you to come with me.”

“How long have you been keeping that one from me?” he asked.

“Keeping it from you is a bit harsh…I've known about a week. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to go. Being the black sheep of the family no one is expecting me to show up anyway.”

“Don’t be silly. Of course we’re going. I know you two don’t have the best relationship but he is your father. I would really like to meet your parents.”

“Not my parents; my father and stepmother.”

“Who else is going to be there?”

“Just my sisters and brother. Tonight his friends from the Naval Hospital are doing something for him.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother.” Josh said.

“A half-brother. His name is Talmidge and I don’t know him well. He’s only 13 but dad and Angela dote on him.” Hogan took a deep breath but said nothing else.

“Alright. Sunday afternoon I get to meet your family. It seems strange that I haven’t even met the twins.”

“Yeah, I know. Everyone’s life has been so busy, me here and them in New York. They are going to get a kick out of you I think.”

“I'm looking forward to…oh shit, I'm Norma Desmond.”

Hogan started to laugh and could not stop. Josh laughed too, throwing her down on the bed.

“Are you ready for your close up, Mr. Lyman?”

He kissed her, moaning as Hogan ran her fingers through his hair. Josh pulled away, stroking her cheek.

“Your father will probably hate me.”

“Yeah, but I love you. You should know by now that I am past caring what anyone thinks.”

Josh lifted the jersey and kissed her stomach.

“You're beautiful.” He whispered against her skin.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“You exude it, like sunshine.”

Hogan pulled him to her for another passionate kiss before reaching to turn off the light.

***

“Does it ever bother you that you can't just go shopping?” Hogan asked.

She, CJ and seven-year-old Charlie were in Union Station with six of CJ’s friends. There were probably more of them scattered throughout but Hogan could not point them out.

“This is shopping.” CJ replied. “I'm lucky we were able to come today…Ron Butterfield is very antsy lately. It doesn’t bother me anymore. I would rather this than someone snatching me.” she whispered the last part so Charlie wouldn’t hear.

Though the little girl walked close to her mother, she was much more interested in looking at all the window displays than grownup conversation. She did not get to come here often. Charlie was young but she knew it was because the Secret Service found it a difficult environment to manipulate and control.

“Mommy, mommy, the toy store. You promised.”

“As soon as Hogan finds a gift for Uncle Doug sweetie. Then we can go to the toy store.”

“OK.”

They all walked into Macy’s and Hogan looked around.

“I have no idea what to buy. I don’t even know him. I thought of a briefcase but I bet he has five. What do you buy Uncle Leo when you're unsure?”

“Cufflinks. But they are his weakness…Leo is an utter cufflink whore.”

“Sort of like Josh and ties.” Hogan replied laughing. “More guys would balk at the gift but he has a tie rack and a tie drawer. It’s insane.”

“Speaking of Josh, will he be joining you tomorrow?”

“We have been together for almost three years and he has never met them. I thought about keeping it that way, but he needs to meet them. Knowing them will help knowing me. He didn’t hesitate to say yes.”

“The man loves you.”

Charlie was bored while looking at men’s accessories…she got antsy and whiny. CJ crouched down, told her to stop it or they were not going to the toy store. In fact, she would be going to sit back in the car with her agents. Charlie settled down immediately.

“I hardly remember being seven.” Hogan mused.

“You kinda looked like Charlie. You were sweet and quiet, always checking out what was going on around you. You stuck close to your mother. We had to get a leash for the twins.”

“An awful lot of good that did me, sticking close to my mother. CJ, dad is going to hate Josh. I don’t know what to do about that.”

She liked a pair of silver and diamond cufflinks. They would have to do.

“Josh can handle himself.” CJ said. “He spends a lot of time in adverse situations.”

“But his girlfriend’s family? Hours with Haffley couldn’t even prepare him if dad is in one of his moods.”

“Hogan, can I ask you something personal?”

They walked to the register. The place was crowded today. It was a summer Saturday, how could it not be? CJ could tell by the look on Bill’s face the faster they got out of there, the better he would feel.

“Sure.”

“How serious are you and Josh? You know I don’t want to ever butt into your life, especially your love life. I just wonder.”

“Wonder what?”

“How serious you two are.”

Hogan handed the cashier her credit card.

“We’ve discussed moving in together, but I think that’s just because he missed me so much when I was in England. We don’t need to be on top of each other; we both appreciate space. We have keys to each other’s apartments, and we share closet space.”

“Do you love him? Is marriage in the future?”

CJ couldn’t help but ask…she was completely clueless about the relationship. Josh was one of her best friends and Hogan was her niece, yet she had no idea what the two of them had in common. They had been together for a long time by DC standards and had survived most of it in secret and nine months separated by an ocean. It was either strong or they didn’t want to admit it was useless. Hogan took her purchase, heading for the exit Bill pointed out.

“I haven't thought about marriage, but I'm so busy I don’t think about much. If he asked me I would accept.”

“Why?” CJ started to walk faster as Charlie pulled her toward the toy store.

“Because I love him. I don’t know what kind of wife I would be, but I will never love and support any other man as much as I do Josh. And I know that he loves me on a plane I never knew existed.”

“So, it’s…”

“Yeah. I don’t know what the future holds CJ. More difficult times I presume, but we both want to be together.”

“OK. I just wanted to ask. I know I haven’t been a big advocate of the whole thing, but…”

“Don’t worry about it. I know that you love and support me. We may not see eye to eye on everything but we’re fine. You better get to that toy store before your daughter tears your arm off.”

***

“I'm nervous about tomorrow. He’s had almost three years to let his hatred for me stew.”

“Well you don’t need to worry that I would ever let my father’s feelings affect mine.”

“You might be exaggerating anyway Josh. What real reason would he have to hate you?”

“One day you will have a daughter Charlie. What would you do if she came home with a man 22 years older than she was?”

“I really wish you'd stop making a big deal about the age difference. It’s starting to tick me off.”

Hogan excused herself to the bathroom and Josh sighed.

“Seriously Josh, if the age thing bothers you that much, maybe you shouldn’t see each other anymore.” Zoey said.

The two couples, Josh, Hogan and the Youngs were having dinner at Georgia Brown’s. They got together for dinner and conversation at least twice a month. At first, it was Josh and Charlie’s attempt to have Zoey and Hogan be as close as they were. The women liked each other fine; they just traveled in different circles. After that, it just became ritual. Only one rule applied; no talk of politics.

“The age thing does not bother me.” he said.

“Are you sure?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah. I see Hogan as Hogan, and I know she feels the same about me. We’re out now…everyone will want a say in our relationship. Zoey, you of all people should know how brutal the press and the internet can be.”

Zoey and Charlie still received death threats, though Ron did not believe they were under imminent threat. She was still working with a four-person Secret Service detail and would just have to deal with that until she and her husband finally left the nation’s capitol.

“This conversation just turned into something completely different.” Zoey said. “Are you thinking of taking the relationship to the next level?”

“Now is definitely not the time for that discussion.”

Hogan returned to the table, looked at her companions.

“Can we please change the subject guys? Seriously, I would rather talk about the Republican hopefuls for President. The slaughter is coming on me soon enough. I want to enjoy the next couple of hours.”

“Then order the grits of the sea.” Charlie said. “It’s excellent.”

“Yes, food always takes my mind off of things.” Josh added.

“I thought that was sex.”

“Well…yeah.”

“TMI.” Zoey covered her ears.

“Get used to it.” Hogan said. “Josh is the king of TMI. He is just so cute that I overlook it most of the time.”

“Yeah.” Charlie replied. “That Lyman cuteness is almost too much for me to handle.”

***

“You're always going to be 22 years older than me.” she said.

Josh was in bed, shifting his attention between CNN on low volume and Lovers and Leaders, the latest book about the McGarry marriage. It was a bit easier to swallow than the truthful lies of King Leo and Anne Boleyn and was not as scathing as Trophy, Ann Stark’s piece of trash about second wives of prominent politicians that used CJ as a centerpiece. Josh truly admired CJ’s strength…she deserved none of this. And even when the books came out, and the pundits talked, and the haters slammed her marriage, CJ’s grace and popularity jumped by leaps and bounds. The American public worshipped the woman.

“I know that sweetie. I mean it when I say it doesn’t matter.”

“I think it must because you talk about it all the time. You didn’t used to talk about it.”

Josh held up his book.

“This is why it matters. Now that our relationship is public knowledge, this kind of shit is next. The fact that you are CJ and Leo’s niece is not lost on the haters, Hogan. It could be tough.”

“I don’t give a damn.” She replied.

“OK.”

He put the book down. Hogan climbed into bed and onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I have been called worse than a whore in my life Josh. I can handle that. What's the matter really? You tend to deflect when you're worried.”

“I am worried about that stuff, but…your father is going to hate me. It doesn’t matter if I am the world’s nicest guy or a scumbag. He’s not going to give me a chance; he’s already made up his mind.”

“Maybe we just shouldn’t go tomorrow.”

“I don’t want your family to think I am hiding from them, or keeping you from them. I can do this; it’ll be fine.”

“OK.” Hogan nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too. More than anything.”

They kissed and Hogan held him close.

“Just be yourself Lyman. That is all that matters to me.”

Josh nodded, enjoying the closeness of their bodies. He realized in that moment that Hogan had never met his mother. It was not for any particular reason…Anne Lyman lived in Florida and Josh did not get to see her as much as he liked. She knew about his relationship with Hogan and when he emailed pictures of the couple, Anne told him not to mess this up, as she looked like a lovely girl. She was CJ’s niece after all, so she must have been raised right.

“You know what? I think we are worrying about nothing.” Josh finally said. “We both have a tendency to do that.”

“I won't deny that.”

“It’s just a lunch. Whatever happens will not change a thing between us. So let’s forget about it.”

“Already have.”

“Wow, you work fast. I need a distraction.”

Hogan lifted her tank top over her head, revealing sun-kissed skin. Josh smiled. This definitely counted as a distraction. He pulled her close, kissing all over her skin. Hogan moaned softly and he loved that. They rolled over on the bed, his tee shirt coming off as they went.

“I think I may just be the luckiest man on the planet.”

Hogan reached for his boxer shorts, sliding them down his legs.

“No more talking.” She said. “I want to get nasty.”

“How nasty are we talking?” Josh asked.

“Mmm, real nasty.”

“Woman, you're going to be the death of me.”

***

“Hogan!”

“We had the inside voice conversation months ago.”

“I lost my car keys!”

“Stop hollering. Just calm down; we’ll take my car.”

Josh grabbed the Magic 8 ball keychain from the rack. Now that he thought about it, he probably left his car keys at his place…it was hard to remember they didn’t live together sometimes. He was going to have to do something about that soon.

“I’ll drive.”

“OK.”

She came out of the bedroom, looking for her shoes. Her outfit was conservative but Josh still liked it. Sky blue linen hip-huggers and a white v-neck tee shirt. Her shoulder length blonde hair was wavy and other than eye shadow and lip gloss Hogan didn’t wear a stitch of makeup. It struck Josh how young she looked.

“What shoes are you wearing?” he asked.

“The slide ons, so my feet won't get wet. Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

Hogan put on the shoes, grabbed a sweater and they were off. It was one of those rare August days when the chilly rain made it feel like the middle of autumn. It was a perfect day for a birthday lunch at the Bethesda Country Club. The ride was about 40 minutes, and in the car Hogan concentrated on Michael Penn in the CD player.

“Are you nervous?” Josh asked.

“I feel like I am going to throw up.”

“Wow. Um, maybe you should smoke a cigarette or something…calm your nerves. You're making me nervous.”

Hogan shook her head. If she went there smelling like cigarettes, her father would never let her hear the end of it. She would be just fine; it was one afternoon. In the parking lot, they shared a brief kiss and then went into the club. A hostess showed them to the table. Doug Cregg could hardly hide his surprise.

“I didn’t expect you Hogan.” He said.

“Dad, it’s your birthday.”

“I figured you would make an excuse like you do for other family functions.”

Her stepmother interjected then. She and Hogan had never been close but she told her and Josh to have a seat.

“Dad, Angela, this is my boyfriend Joshua Lyman.”

Doug did not shake Josh’s hand but Angela did, wearing a painted on smile.

“It’s nice to meet you Josh.”

“Thanks.”

“Josh, these are my sisters Mary Kate and Lucinda.”

“Which one is Lucinda?” he asked.

“That’s me.” the strawberry blonde raised her hand.

“And the little mop head is Tal.”

“Hey Tal.”

“You know any famous people?” he asked.

“Quite a few actually.”

“Cool.”

“It’s not that cool Tal.” Doug said.

They were all quiet again. Angela jumped back in, the cruise director on a sinking ship. They needed to order lunch. She already knew what she, Doug, and Tal were having. Everyone else should look at a menu. While they were looking, Josh poured Hogan a glass of wine and gave her a reassuring smile.

“You're the White House Chief of Staff.” Angela said. “You must be so busy.”

“Oh yes ma'am. My schedule is very packed.”

“How is there any time for a love affair with my daughter?” Doug asked.

“Dad, it’s a relationship, not a love affair. Josh and I have been together for almost three years.”

“And yet this is the first time we’re meeting him.”

“Gee, I wonder why.” Hogan muttered.

“How close are you to Leo McGarry?” Doug asked.

“Leo is my mentor; he is a longtime friend of my late father. We are good friends, as are CJ and I. Mr. Cregg, I love your daughter; that is something you don’t have to worry about. I came here because I want to know Hogan’s family. I did not come here to fight about Leo.”

“Lets just order lunch.” Angela said with that smile.

A server came to the table and they ordered. Lucinda started to talk about her studies at NYU. She was on her last semester of Masters studies in Anthropology.

“Have you decided on a final paper honey?” Doug asked.

Mary-Kate and Lucinda were sweetie and honey. Josh picked that up in the 20 minutes or so they were there. Doug did not seem to address Hogan at all…it was as if she weren’t at the table.

“I'm leaning toward the myth of the suburban mother.” Lucinda said.

“That sounds challenging.” Angela said.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve got a lot of things you can reference.” Hogan said. “It sounds like a great paper.”

“I hope. Everything hinges on it.”

“I think you should focus on something more serious Lucinda.” Doug said as lunch was served. “That doesn’t sound very scientific. What will you study to back up your theories?”

“Dad, anthropology is a social science. It is not a life science. I’ll be just fine.”

Conversation at lunch was topical. Angela talked about Tal starting high school and his junior varsity football hopes. Mary-Kate did development for HBO…they had some great documentaries on the front burner.

“What about you Hogan?” Angela asked. “How's work?”

“Good. I may be doing more traveling in the fall and that’s exciting.”

“She is being modest. Hogan is the senior assistant for the Second Lady’s Deputy Chief of Staff.” Josh bragged.

“Josh!” she slapped his arm. “I have not been officially promoted but my review is in a few weeks. I'm quite hopeful.”

Her sisters were happy for her and her stepmother wore the smile. Josh thought she might sleep with that smile. He bit his tongue as he was desperate to ask her if she grew up in Stepford.

“Your ex-girlfriend.” Doug said to Josh.

“I'm sorry sir.”

“Hogan is your ex-girlfriend’s secretary.”

“Donna is not my ex-girlfriend, and Hogan is much more than that Mr. Cregg.”

“The papers said she was your girlfriend. You seem to have a fondness for young blondes Mr. Lyman.”

“Daddy, that’s enough.” Hogan said. “We did not come here for the third degree. I wanted to help you celebrate your birthday but I guess this was a bad idea.”

“Hogan, you can't be a member of this family whenever it suits you. You either are or you aren’t.”

“So what do I have to do…denounce CJ and her evil older husband? Stop seeing Josh and take a blood oath to lifelong Doug Cregg allegiance. That’s pathetic; I am your child.”

“Hogan.” Her stepmother warned.

“What? The only person ruining this day is him. You can't blame this one on me. Josh and I only wanted to help celebrate. Unless you think it would’ve been better if I didn’t come.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Angela said.

Hogan took the gift from her purse, sliding it across the table.

“Happy Birthday dad. As usual, every moment we spend together is so lovely..”

She stood to go and Angela tried to stop her. She wanted them to be quiet; there was no need to draw attention.

“Let her go.” Doug said. “This family has never been her top priority.”

“Daddy, that is not fair.” Lucinda said. “Hogan, just sit down.”

“No. This family has never been your top priority. Where was family daddy, when grandpa was losing his mind and his life? CJ did everything and you didn’t even help. You were so busy…you were always so busy.”

“Don’t you dare judge me!” Doug exclaimed. “You have no place to talk to me that way.”

“I'm not the judgment you should be worried about. We’re going to leave. Dad wants a happy birthday and apparently he can't have one with me here.”

She took Josh’s hand and they started to walk away. He told the Creggs it was nice to meet them on his way out.

“I'm sorry.” Hogan said, lighting a cigarette outside on the front deck. A couple of people were out there, smoking and shielding themselves from the steady rain. She was text messaging her sister Mary-Kate that she was fine and would talk to her soon. “This was just a very bad idea. I knew that and I didn’t listen to my first instinct. I'm so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. Your father is an asshole. I hate to say that but he is.”

“He always has been. Maybe if my mother would’ve taken us too his life would’ve been easier. Angela is not exactly our biggest fan; she wanted a family of her own. Tal is all that matters to her.”

Josh took her into his arms and held on tight. God, he never wanted to let her go. How could she receive such a cold reception from the one place you could always be safe, home? Was it really because she chose to be close to CJ and Leo? Was Doug really that shallow?

“Well um…wow, I'm kinda speechless.” Josh said.

“Let’s just go home. We can still salvage this afternoon.”

“I have Memoirs of a Geisha on DVD at the condo.”

“See, its sounding better already.”

They walked over to the car, got in and drove off. There was a lot of traffic in the commute from Bethesda to DC. This was not going to be a quick ride. Even though it was raining, people were out in abundance.

“I hate to ask this, but what happened with you and your family?”

“I don’t know…I have always been the black sheep. I saw too much of the demise of my parent’s marriage and I think my father just stopped talking to me instead of lying, like he could with the twins. I saw right through him. CJ says I'm a lot like my mother.”

“Why aren’t you close to her?” Josh asked.

“She deserted us Josh. I have nothing to say to her. You don’t desert your children. Who else did I have but CJ?”

“Yeah.”

“My father likes to control things; he got it from his father. He did not know how to raise daughters and there was no one there to cushion the blow. What was it like for you growing up Josh?”

“Honestly? I did my damndest to repress most of my childhood. After my sister died…I didn’t want to remember anything.”

He also did not want to talk about Joanie. He and Hogan shared so much but he could not talk about that. He would fall apart and that wasn’t a good idea right now. Thankfully, Hogan was thinking the same thing.

“Yeah, cheesy Carpenters songs. Lets sing Lyman.”

Such a feeling’s coming over me  
There is wonder in most everything I see  
Not a cloud in the sky  
Got the sun in my eyes  
And I won't be surprised if it’s a dream  
Everything I want the world to be  
Is now coming true, especially for me  
And the reason is clear  
It’s because you are here  
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen  
I'm on top of the world  
Looking down on creation  
And the only explanation I can find  
Is the love that I've found  
Ever since you’ve been around  
Your love’s put me at the top of the world.

“The Carpenters can always make me feel better.” Hogan said. “I usually prefer to hear Karen when I'm sad but anytime is good. I used to play their records when I was growing up.”

“You had a record player?”

“An old one. CJ gave me all these cool records…The Carpenters, Elton John, Simon and Garfunkel. They kept me company when I was lonely.”

“I don’t ever want you to be lonely again.” Josh said.

“Just the fact tat I'm not in this moment is good for me.” she took his hand. “I love you and I am never going to justify that to a soul. It just is.”

“I love you too Hogan. I don’t have any food at my place though; we need to stop at the market.”

“This thing is getting awfully domestic.” She said. “Trips to the supermarket for snacks.”

“Are you opposed to domesticity?” 

“In general, yes. With you, absolutely not.”

“Yeah?” he looked at her as he pulled into the Georgetown Albertson’s parking lot.

Hogan smiled, leaning over to kiss him. 

“Let’s get food and go home. There is plenty of time to talk about the rest. Its chilly and rainy…I want to cuddle.”

“Me too.”

They dodged raindrops heading into the market. They were just a short while away from their bliss. Hogan preferred it this way. They were out in the open now, family and friends knew that she and Josh were a couple. Still, she preferred to have him to herself, curled up on a couch with a beer and a movie. He, and his love, was the first things that ever belonged strictly to Hogan. Now that she had, she realized she didn’t have to share him with the world.

“Cheese or butter popcorn?” Josh asked.

“Hell, I'm feeling frisky. Get both.”

***


End file.
